KLoC: Chapter Three

Chapter Three: Cedric Gets an Awful Idea

    It hadn’t taken me long to enter the world of sleep, the comforting realm of slumber. I certainly was cute at the time I’m sure. Sleeping kitties are always adorable you see. Just ask the internet. It will tell you that cats are amazing. Anyway I had had been being an amazing alien cat and such. If I dreamed, I don’t recall, but when I had awoken, things were not quite as I had recalled leaving them…

    I awoke to a most unusual set of circumstances. For a start, my bed had moved. I had gone from being in the guest bedroom downstairs to the laundry room. It was crowded as it often was.

    The laundry room was where Cedric stored all the stuff he didn’t feel like putting away. It was also where dirty clothes tended to pile up when he would forget many days to take them out of the washer after they were done. Then they would stink you see and he would repeat the process.

    I moved to the eastern corner of the box. Hmm. Or maybe it was western? Which direction are you seeing the box from? That probably would give us some indication of which direction I should say to you. Because where I was currently curled up, it was to my east, but if I had been facing the other direction, my west. That’s how weather changes so fast you know. Just look at east and west. Reverse those and things are definitely going to be different. And if east and west rotated for every person who decided to turn, a whole whirlwind of weather would be created. It was one of the many ways Earth was preparing itself for imminent doom.

    Anyway, we’re just gonna call it west-eastern for good measure. So I moved to the west-eastern side, curling my fuzzy paws over the box’s edge. Everything else in the room looked normal. The door was shut—both the one leading outside and the one to the rest of the house. Did make me suspicious of how I got there though.

    Had I been abducted by vicious aliens? What if this was just a holograph of my home? What if they had read my mind to know where I had lived and then recreated this room to look just like the laundry room? What if I was stuck here forever? What if they wanted to do awful experiments on me?

    I figured the best way to find out was to get out of bed and go investigate. So it’s exactly what I did. I got out of the box and cautiously approached the door that should have led to the other room. I gave the handle a few bats then tried to turn it manually. Nothing happened.

    That was not what one expected from a door. This door normally opened. I knew this from the various times Cedric had made me wash my clothes. I don’t like washing clothes. Why should I have to? I never had to when I was back home.

    Anyway I knocked on the door. Nothing happened so I flopped down in front of it with a huff. This was probably Cedric’s doing. I had come to this conclusion because you see, no one else was really in the house, so the likelihood that someone else had done it was equally slim.

    Thus it was time to ponder why my best Earthian friend would do such a thing to me. I had done absolutely nothing to him, excluding the various things I had of course. And I had just saved him from Spork.

    Or wait one moment. I bet that was exactly what this was all about—Spork. That ‘deviv had been causing me more trouble in the timespan of like two days than I’d had since I arrived. I sighed. What good was locking me in the laundry room doing though?

    Unless he had decided to call the Earthian government on me…or what if…Cedric wouldn’t do something like that, would he? I wasn’t so sure. I thought I knew him enough.

    About that time I noticed a small detail command had failed to pick up on earlier. There was a small note taped to my cardboard box. Curious, I went back over to investigate it. It was indeed a note as I had predicted, and it was in fact on paper like I had also figured. The writing was quite legible of Earthian variety.

    My ears flattened almost instantly. It said the following.

    Smiley, you are not a very nice alien sometimes. I think we need a better line of communication—no I don’t mean my phone. You should take some time to think about your choices. Signed, Cedric.

    So to summarize things here, he had put me in a timeout apparently. A timeout. For the lieutenant. A timeout. Seriously?! I threw the note down as hard as I could. In hind sight I probably should’ve crumpled it prior to tossing it. It slowly fluttered to the ground, lessening the effect I had hoped for.

    “You can’t do this to me!” I shouted at the closed door. “I’m a Qwuedeviv lieutenant! I don’t have to take this from a filthy Human!”

    I hopped up at the door, planted my feet against it, grabbed the handle and tugged. It didn’t open so I tugged a few more times. Gave up eventually and flopped down on my back with my feet still pressed against the door.

    “Ceeeeeedric!”

      I tried reaching under the door. My paw was a little too fat to fit really, but I still got my fingers under it. Definitely couldn’t feel Cedric on the other side. Not that it was any huge surprise. I yowled. I paced. I yowled some more. One thing I did not tolerate was being ignored. Seeing as my yowling was going unanswered, I decided to step it up a notch.

    You see, we Qwuedeviv have a dual set of vocal cord things. These vocal cord things are what you use to make sound with. Most creatures have one set of these things…I think. Anyway we have two sets. One is generally higher toned, the other lower toned. My point in all this being, we are capable of making a very loud dual-toned screech—high and low at the same time. It’s one of our signature traits as a matter of fact. Our battle cry. The other being our laughter which uses only the higher toned cords and can sound either like a whisper hiss laugh or a high pitched chattering squeal sound. Very interesting.

    If you’re the research type you should totally look into all the cool sounds us Qwuedeviv can make and their meaning in society. Anyway. Point being, I decided to screech. The first screech was semi short, followed by several louder, longer screeches. Decided to toss my eyes disguise into the bunch for anger effect, thus the yellow glow eye effect and such too.

    Cedric eventually opened the door. He was dressed and everything so I guess I must’ve slept through the whole night by then. He grumbled something about several sore joints and twisted himself to stretch, I suppose.

    “What is the meaning of this?!”

    “I gave you a note.”

    “I know!” I hissed. “That’s what I mean by what is the meaning of this! No one puts the commander in a timeout! No one!”

    “You seem kind of little for being a commander.” Cedric noted.

    “I am not little!” I fluffed myself up to full size and glared, still with the eye disguise. “You better fix this!”

    “Fix this? You should fix things.” He replied and leaned against the doorway. “It’s my house.”

    I huffed.

    “Listen, Smiley, I need you to level with me about things. I can’t keep having these weird surprises, okay? My nerves can’t take it. I never asked to be blessed with aliens.”

    I kept my eye disguise up, said nothing and continued to stare.

    “I mean it.”

    I growled. “No, Human filth! I cannot disclose all information to you! You know only what you need to know on a need to know basis! End of discussion.” I crossed my arms and kept myself up at full kitty height.

    “Then get out.”

    “I will do no such thing!”

    Would you believe he reached over and picked me up by the scruff of my neck again? ‘Cause he did. Lifted me right up off the ground. Now since you don’t have a scruff you probably didn’t know this however, one, this is quite demobilizing. Our teeth are one of our major built in attack traits. The other of course being our claws. Anyway it demobilized the ability to bite and also to turn one’s head. And well, being lifted off the ground if you were small, as was my case, that limited a lot as well.

    “I’ll claw your face off! Put me down!!” I flailed and tried to twist myself about.

    Cedric wasn’t letting go though as he made his way to the back door.

    “I don’t think you will.”

    “You don’t know anything!!”

    He was right actually. You see, I had no claws. Most Qwuedeviv do. I do not. They had been…tragically removed when I was younger thanks to Spork. As I said, I had grown up around the ‘deviv. Pounced one too many times on its tail and well, forever clawless. Qwuedeviv claws don’t grow back. It’s why I hadn’t been able to climb fences and stuff. You think about it from an attack perspective and yeah, I still had my teeth ‘n stuff, but there were so many things I couldn’t climb like a normal Qwuedeviv, so many things that—I’m getting off topic here. It’s a very sore subject though. So don’t tell anyone and don’t bring it up.

    He proceeded to move me to the door and opened it. I protested a final time, but he dropped me out there anyway and shut the door. Unacceptable. I got up and unleashed the fury of a thousand kitties on that door. Pounded it with both fists and demanded he open it.

    He didn’t.

    “Cedric! You better open this door right now! Or I’ll….I’ll….” Hmm what could I do from out here? “I’ll run away!”

    “Fine. Do it,” came the muffled reply from the other side.

    I clenched my fists and kicked the door. “You’re a horrible owner!”

    “Well you’re a horrible pet!”

    I stormed away from the door after sticking my tongue out at it. Tell me I was awful! He’d see! He’d be sorry when I was gone! I marched to the far end of the yard and…couldn’t reach the top of the fence. Huh. I tried climbing it, but the surface seemed slippery. Not sure what it was made out of. Looked like some old wooden stuff.

    Seeing as that was double my height and covered by shrubs I decided to move on elsewhere. Like around the back yard and back out to the front where the fence was made of much easier to climb material. I glanced back at the house once more. Couldn’t see Cedric through the windows, but I could imagine him there, then scaled the fence and headed off into the unknown.