KLoC: Chapter One

Chapter One: Cedric is not Good at Fighting

    Cedric took a step back towards me. Spork stepped forward. I, well, I remained stuck against the wall where Cedric had forced me to go with his evil spray bottle. Horrible images flashed through my mind. There was no way a Human could stand against a Qwuedeviv soldier of such intense resolve. I was tempted to cover my eyes until it was all over.

    Spork swung a fist at Cedric. I’d never seen the guy move so fast in all the time I had been there. His head was out of the way just in time to avoid the bone crushing force. The wall got it instead, leaving behind a rather ugly fist imprint and chipped pieces. Spork really didn’t play around.

    Its tail whipped out and wrapped around Cedric’s leg. One sharp tug later, Cedric had landed right beside me. Naturally I yelped as any Qwuedeviv officer would have.

    There was no time for an exchange of words. The rest went by in a blur of growling, flailing limbs and terrified Human yowls. It was hard to figure out what was going on exactly, but two key points told me that things were not good. Key point one, Cedric was not succeeding in the retreat that he wished to. Key point two, Spork was also not retreating or letting up.

    If I had to place bets on one of the two I’d have sided with Spork. The chances of Cedric winning were slim, and although I like the guy, hey, a bet’s a bet right? Anyway. Cedric made a run for it—not a bad thing to attempt in my opinion. Unfortunately his efforts were cut abruptly short. Spork’s tail whipped out again and yanked his foot back. Cedric landed on his face.

    I cringed. That had to hurt.

    Spork moved closer and brought a foot up—dangerously close to where Cedric had fallen. Spork was strong, I knew this for a fact. That stomp could be the end of Cedric’s existence. If I was going to risk saving Cedric, now would probably be my last chance.

    “Spork, stop!” I yowled as I flung myself towards them.

    I generally make it a habit to avoid interfering with Spork’s actions. It has a bit of an attitude problem and sometimes—it turned around halfway and made some mixture of a growl-shriek as the skin-flaps on its head rose up.

    “Ohhh, wow!” I recoiled a bit, fur fluffed up. “That’s impressive, really.”

    Spork ignored me and went back to work on its victim, er, Cedric.

    It was time for more extreme measures! I grabbed Spork’s long tail and initiated a death cling grip. Now see, Spork’s tail moves in an unpredictable path. Depending on where it flicks you end up either dizzy, whiplashed or both in my case. It flung me off rather quickly and the whole thing did little to change its mind. Cedric resumed shouting.

    I briefly considered just letting Spork have its way. I mean, if you’ve been with me any length of time then you know how I feel about Spork. It gets something in its mind? It’ll do it. No reasoning with a monster like that. But no, Cedric was my friend. I owed it to him to at least try. He had taken me in during my time of need. Fed me, bought me cute kitty toys and had given me a great cardboard box bed.

    I gathered my limbs back to their proper places from my most recent crash and sprang in front of Spork. Granted this placed me between Spork and its target. That may sound a bit dangerous and reckless to you but I assure you—actually it was dangerous and reckless. This was further confirmed when Spork’s tail slapped against my side. This may strike you as surprising, but that hurt. Spork’s flat, almost rubbery tail is an incredibly effective weapon. I mewed and jumped, but held my ground.

    “Bad! Bad ‘deviv! Cease. Desist. Something. Stop!”

    Have I ever mentioned that Spork is bad at taking orders? Yeah, the command from a superior officer meant nothing to it. It knocked me aside with its tail without a second thought. I tumbled yet again.

      It took me a moment to gather my senses, but I got them and got myself right side up—just in time to get myself in the way of Spork again. Cedric was still yowling for help. Didn’t he see me trying to save his dumbyface hide?

    There was a lot more tumbling and the world spun again. Then Cedric’s foot promptly kicked my face. I was trying to help him here and—

    “Move!”

    That was an impressively intimidating order. I refused to go away. I was going to save my friend.

    “Spork. You can’t do this!”

    It barely missed me with a stomp. That gave me some incentive to watch things closer. Spork didn’t care if he smashed me in the process.

    “Befriending the enemy is mutiny.”

    I nudged Cedric’s leg out of Spork’s path just in time.

    “You’re a disgrace to our species.”

    “But, Spork! You don’t understand!” I turned and nudged Cedric—who was still on the floor, with my face. “Go, go go!”

    He stuttered about something and then got going rather fast. Good thing too, ‘cause right then Spork gave me a swift kick to Hindquarters that sent me stumbling forward.

    “Spooork!” I whined. “That hurt!”

    “It was supposed to.” It growled in reply as it stormed by.

    Cedric had retreated into a room and locked the door. Hopefully that would delay Spork a bit otherwise…

    The first kick nearly ended it for the poor door. Seemed there would be no breaks today. I got up yet again, slower this time. That last kick had done a number on my motivation one could say and by now I was beginning to think this was a hopeless cause.

    “Look you, you don’t understand.”

    I took the chance of limping over beside it. If I got kicked again I’d probably call it quits. It wasn’t worth this much hassle to save Cedric. I’d get over it after a bit.

    Spork glared at the door then glanced at me. Now was my chance.

    “He’s…he’s useful. A uh…a uh….”

    It was still staring. Obviously it was waiting for me to finish the thought. This could be…bad seeing how I hadn’t exactly thought out the rest of the reason yet. I had been a little surprised I’d gotten its attention at all.

    “Uh…so that other Humans don’t…know…that…er…”

    “A front?”

    “Yes. And…and he knows a lot! Soo…”

    Spork’s ears twitched, its tail slowed down a bit. I wasn’t sure if that was good or bad so I waited.

    “He’s worth more alive than dead.” Spork growled and flicked its tail.

    “So, uh, are we good?” My ears flicked up as I took a moment to catch my breath as I waited. I wasn’t so sure Spork would agree with that logic, but go figure, it did. Its head slowly nodded, but if looks could kill, I’d have been dead.

    “Hey…hey Cedric, s’all good, you can come out now.”

    “No thank you.” Came the reply.

    Well that was probably not the right response. Spork kicked the door in. Cedric screeched again. Spork merely glared as Cedric crawled into a corner and huddled up.

    “This is Spork.” I introduced. “It’s with me.”

    Cedric nodded nervously. “I-I’m Cedric. N-nice to meet…er…yeah.” He hesitantly stretched out a hand but Spork only slapped it with its tail.

    “I don’t socialize with Human scum.” It growled mildly then left at a swift pace.

    That left me with two options. Stay with Cedric or follow Spork. Both needed to be dealt with but which was more important now? Given the fact Spork had let me win one endeavor I decided it was probably best to stick with Cedric. I’d already nearly gotten my ears clawed off after all and Cedric was bound to be grateful and indebted to me.

    “I thought you-you.” Cedric clutched his chest. I noticed he was breathing rather heavily.

    “Yo, guy, you’re not gonna fall over dead are ya?”

    Cedric sort of shook his head, a pained expression on his now crinkled up face. Varying expressions did seriously little for the guy—or any Human.

    “You said you were all alone!”

    “Ah. Right.” Truth was I hadn’t thought up an excuse in the case any of my likely dead crew units were to return. “Well I mean—I was mostly alone. Aside from a few other plantologists.”

    “That…that is not a plantologist, that’s a macho sharkman monster.”

    “Oooh!” I twisted back and forth in a little half prance. “Spork might like that! You should tell it!”

    “I think I’ll pass.”

    “Meh, your loss.”

    “Yeah.” Cedric replied with a little edge to his tone. “That’s what I’m afraid of. Losing something.”

    “Like your temper?”

    “Like my head! Or any number of my limbs!”

    “They can’t be worth much. I’m sure you could buy or manufacture new ones.”

    That got me a look of disgust in return.

    “Oooor not.” I shrugged and smiled.

    “Did that thing leave? Is it still in the house?”

    I shrugged again. “I wasn’t too interested in finding out personally.”

    “Well I am you can’t have that beast stay here! Look what he did to my door!”

    “It.” I corrected.

    I had tried time and time again to explain to Cedric that our ‘scout force’ used genderless terminology when working—which was pretty much always—without the right to appeal. We technically had genders, but other species thought we looked too similar to distinguish. We usually can’t figure them out either though so it’s pretty common protocol to just say ‘it.’ I mean take Cedric for example. He had spoken of some lady friend on a few occasions. He had pointed her out in the Holiday Group pic of the company. They all looked the same to me though.

    “It. He whatever. It’s a giant macho shark on some high powered vitamins.”

    “Spork is kinda big.”

    Cedric’s eyes widened as he made some strange series of huffs and puffs while nodding his head.

    “Hey Cedric.” I had been pondering something for quite a while and figured now was a good time to ask, “How come you didn’t act like that when you met me?”

    “You were little and adorable. Defenseless.”

    I let that roll around in my mind, decided to press on further.

    “I don’t see the difference.”

    Cedric was rather irritable today. He growled and tossed his hands in the air as he walked past me with a slight limp.

    “You’re short. He’s tall. You’re like a fluffy kitty, he’s like, the shark-man from outer space with a tapeworm for a tail.”

    I followed after him.

    “Is this a good idea?”

    “Someone has to check.”

    “You seemed content with that not being you a few minutes ago.”

    Cedric had no comment on that. Just a glare. I followed after him like a loyal kitty, wondering what fate would await us.

    “If you get yourself in trouble again, I’m not saving you.”

    “Save?!” He glanced back at me, eyes full of distain.

    “Yep.”

    He shook his head and proceeded to arm himself with an umbrella. Once again he inched on, jumping at the slightest sound and getting upset at me for ‘shuffling’ my feet. Well excuse me for being sore and injured. Clearly that made it my fault. Such ungrateful—

    He stopped and I ran into the back of his leg. I stifled a mew and glared. He motioned for me to be quiet as we observed the enemy.

    Spork was still in his house. As a matter of fact it was in the kitchen, from what I could tell, its intentions were not making a sandwich. It seemed to be checking out the parameter. Probably seeing what kind of intelligence and defense I had set up.

    Keh…keh…yeah I probably should’ve done that earlier come to think of it. My tail flicked back and forth. This was Cedric’s great idea? Stare at Spork from another room? Spork grumbled something under its breath and moved on to the next room. Me and Cedric had to duck down so it didn’t see us. Or at least I assumed that’s why we did so. I wondered what we actually intended to do. What if Spork saw us?

    “That thing really is a monster.” Cedric whispered.

    I rolled my eyes. Spork wasn’t that impressive.

    “Smiley!” The fur along my back stood on end. “What kind of defense do you have on this place?”

    That was Spork, much to our surprise. Apparently it had seen us after all. I really wished it wouldn’t go on about defenses and such in front of Cedric though. Cedric didn’t know about the whole invasion thing.

    “Ah, well, actually, you, uh, you see…”

    I crawled from my hiding place as gradually and casually as possible. Didn’t wanna seem suspicious or anything.

    Spork had started growling again. The short fur along the back if its head began to rise as did its head skin-flaps.

    “Whoah now, calm Sporky. Getting all worked up could raise your blood pressure.”

    It unleashed an unearthly screech-growl.

    “Fine! Have high blood pressure!”

    “You haven’t done a thing, have you?”

    “Well, I mean…I’ve been pretty busy.”

    “I can’t believe how worthless you are!”

    “Well I—hey. You know that’s not very nice.”

    “Will you shut up?”

    “But you just asked—”

    “Your incompetence speaks for itself.”

    I was about to say something but shut my mouth instead. Spork was so opinionated.

    “We’ll need to fix that.”

    “H-hey—“ Cedric decided to finally show his face.

    “Human, shut up.” Spork pointed for Cedric to sit down.

    Cedric very much mimicked the expression I had just had and sat down cross legged on the floor.

    I briefly wondered why Cedric had never behaved in such a way with me, but decided against asking for the moment. I was a shark cat from outer space too after all.

    “We need to talk.” Spork growled as it turned away swiftly and marched out the back door.